Beauty

Beauty

I saw her weak emaciated body and half shaved head tremble as her eyes fluttered open.

A hint of recognition emerged “Momma Devo” she mouthed.

Her first request was water I understood that her lips were cracked and swollen 

After several deep pulls on the straw her eyes opened a little more.

“Let me see the tattoo “was her next request

I showed her the fresh ink on my wrist I recently got on my solo trip to NYC.

“I don’t feel good” was her mantra

They had removed a quarter of her skull to let the brain swelling go down. 

I know baby I cooed softly as I rubbed her back

I look terrible, I don’t have my makeup

I wanted to cry her conditioning ran so deep

She was struggling to stay alive but still worried about her looks

You are beautiful, I whispered as I kissed her forehead

My beautiful brave chosen daughter was sedated

Nearly dead but the concern for showing the world beauty overwhelmed

Driving home I contemplated how much I had participated in this perverse training

The son I raised from the age of 12 loved her with all his being

He was a tomcat when they got together and liked it when she dressed up

I raised him and all my boys to be feminist but was that enough?

Did the media, the culture override my daily lessons

Or was it my hypocrisy as I did my hair and face every morning before stepping out

He adored her and did not give a shit about the outside anymore

She didn’t get that message.

As a silent protest to the world, I ditched the makeup for about 5 years

Only recently picking it up again.

I look at my bag of cosmetics and my painted fingers and toes and wonder why

I am reading “Brooke Sheilds is not allowed to get old”

She ruminates on aging in Hollywood as a beauty icon

I saw her in person when I went to a taping of the view

My first thought was damn she is beautiful.

My mom died in her 90’s and wore makeup to church every Sunday

Every old barn looks better with a coat of paint was her adage.

How do we break this cycle

 My niece was 3 or 4 people would complement her looks her retort was” I’m funny too”

My 8-year-old granddaughter asked Santa for makeup and got it

We can do better

Let’s raise this generation of girls to say I’m funny too and that is what’s important

Maybe I will ditch the makeup today or tomorrow

It is nice to be old and feel like that is a viable choice

Now people tell me you are funny, and I know pretty does not matter anymore for me

Let’s help the next generation have this epiphany before they are 60 

For myself I will examine the way I walk through the world

I think I will compliment accessories instead of hair

I always looked at my random stranger compliments as kindness

But in retrospect they could have been cruel

I will try harder.

Hey, I like your shoes and you are  funny too.I